Want to Meet 'The One'? Change These Beliefs Immediately
What you think, you believe and what you believe becomes your reality.
So when it comes to dating, if you believe that...
...all men are trash...
...the dating apps don't work...
...guys are just looking for sex...
...they only want to play games...
...then chances are, you'll live that experience.
These things will become a self fulfilling prophecy because that's the energy you'll take into online dating.
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Let me explain with these examples:
Sarah has the above mindset. She finds dating frustrating, a disappointment, a chore that she needs to do because she wants to meet someone. Every time she's scrolling or someone swipes right on her, she starts judging his profile, trying to find flaws and attaching any negative experiences she's had in the past to this unsuspecting guy she's never met.
Before they even begin chatting, she has her guard up and expects things to go sour or not work out like the fantasy she has in her head. When she begins to engage in conversation, she's already in the energy of: this guy's going to fuck me around.
She communicates as if he's already been like the others. She might be clingy, anxious, impatient if he doesn't reply. Or she might be blunt, sarcastic, judgemental or critical.
Neither of these scenarios are empowering for her. She's not confident in herself. Self assured. Unapologetically herself. Because she's acting from a wounded place based on the stories she's telling herself (men are trash etc).
How can you truly connect with someone when you're in that headspace?
The answer: You can't.
You can't build a genuine, authentic connection with someone when you're coming from that place, and this is where the self fulfilling prophecy comes into play. They'll start to vibe off the energy you put out there. If you're closed off, anxious, blunt or standoffish, they'll feel it and then won't make the effort to connect with you.
Instead, Lisa is open to possibilities, detached from the outcome and willing to see each new match as a fresh start. She sees dating as something she wants to do. She leaves the bullshit men in the past and chooses not to make assumptions about the new man until she's got to know him.
She, like all of us, has had shitty experiences in the past. She's been ghosted, dumped by text, had someone call things off after telling her he didn't want to date anyone else, been on crappy dates and had her fair share of dickheads in her DMs.
But instead of carrying that into the future, she embraces a whole new mindset.
She says things to herself like:
..dating is so much fun!
..I love to use dating apps.
..it's so interesting to meet new people.
..every first date I go on is going to be awesome.
..each new dating experience is taking me closer to 'the one'.
..I'm solid in who I am and know that if they can't see that, they're not my person.
..I can handle anything that comes my way.
With this open, enthusiastic, excitable energy, Lisa enjoys matching with new people and going on new dates. She doesn't pin her hopes on someone and equally, she doesn't expect them to disappoint her either. This open to possibilities, detached from the outcome mindset means she is enjoying her dates. She's having fun. She's not self conscious or worried about it needing to be a 'perfect' date.
And whilst she's still had a few negative experiences with people (haven't we all), instead of dwelling on them, she accepts it and adds it to her bank of dating disaster stories that she can tell her friends over a wine.
I know it can be hard to control your thoughts but if you're feeling more like the Sarah in these scenarios, I want to encourage you to try and shift your mindset. At the end of the day, the only person it'll affect is you. The guy on the other end won't give a shit. Make dating an enjoyable experience for yourself.
For a more in depth look at the mindset shifts you need to make around dating, read Dating Mindset Shifts You Need to Make Immediately.
