An Unforgettable First Date (For All The Wrong Reasons)
Let me set the scene: it's a Thursday evening in London, and I'm gearing up for a first date with someone who isn’t my type but seems promising. I've had my fair share of dating adventures in the past four years of single life, but this one... well, let's just say it's one for the books.
In this episode of The Date with Confidence Podcast, I’m sharing the comical and cringe-worthy story of a first-date experience I recently had. Get ready to cringe along with me as I reveal all the gory details of the hilarious nightmare that was a first date.
This blog post is a brief (and less funny!) summary of the podcast episode below. For the best experience, I highly encourage you to listen to the full podcast episode.
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The Confident Approach
The story begins with a message from a guy I'd been chatting with for a few days. The way he asked me out was hot. None of that vague "maybe we should meet" nonsense – he said, "When are you free so I can take you out?" The directness, assertiveness and confidence was a welcome change from the people I’d been speaking with before. Little did I know what was in store for me….
Preparation & Excitement
In the days leading up to the date, I did my usual pre-date routine. Fake tan on Tuesday, outfit selection on Wednesday, and the final touches on Thursday: hair, makeup, moisturise, perfume - the works. I was obsessed with my outfit, I felt confident and I was excited for a fun evening. I like to make an effort when I’m going on a date for several reasons: 1) It makes me feel my most confident, 2) I don’t get dressed up as much as I did in my twenties so I like to make the effort when I get the chance and 3) I like to give a good first impression.
I was excited because this guy seemed nice, like he had his shit together and had planned the evening for us; mini golf and dinner date. It felt like a promising start to something new.
The Wardrobe Surprise
Things took an unexpected turn when I arrived at our meeting spot. As I walked out of the station, I spotted him wearing jersey shorts (like cut off tracksuit bottoms), a hoodie, and trainers. Now, I'm all for not judging a book by its cover, but I couldn't help but feel a bit let down. After spending hours getting ready to ensure I looked my best, his casual attire left me feeling a little completely deflated. It was a Thursday evening in a notoriously buzzy area of London: we’re talking men in suits and women dressed up. It wasn’t a Saturday afternoon strolling through a park.
The Awkward Start
Not one to write people off based on the way they’re dressed, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. We headed to the mini golf venue, which was unsurprisingly packed for a Thursday night. Despite my initial thoughts about his outfit, I was looking forward to the mini golf part of the date. After all, activities can make for great icebreakers. And let’s be honest, I’d been on dates where the guy was dressed up but behaved like a complete arsehole sooo…..
As we played, I was my cheerful, enthusiastic, first date self. As I’ve mentioned before, I like to head into every date with a positive mindset.
Table Troubles
After mini golf - which I won btw - we decided to go for dinner. He suggested an Italian restaurant I'd never heard of and we headed in that direction. But when we arrived, we were told there was a wait. I had no idea what the time was and instead of telling me, he thrust his arm in front of my face so I could read his watch. “Shall we go somewhere else then?”, I asked, assuming the time he was showing me on his watch meant that he didn’t want to have to wait for a table.
We found another restaurant with available tables but not before he asked if I wanted to do some shopping once we’d eaten. Erm, no? I didn’t spend two hours getting ready to shop at the supermarket.
Nose-Picking Nightmare
We sat down at our table and things got worse. He started sniffing every 30 seconds and, wait for it, began PICKING HIS NOSE at the dinner table. Not just a subtle little touch. It was non-stop sniffing, picking, touching, wiping with his hands. It made me feel sick.
And then, oh yes, it gets WORSE…..he swiped at his nose for the hundredth time and there, sat on the end of his nose, was a bogey. A fucking bogey!
I can’t handle snot or bogeys. I have a two year old niece who I’d do ANYTHING for and I can’t even handle her snot. So you can imagine how I felt experiencing this on a first date; it was a deal-breaker. I tried to maintain eye contact and conversation, but I couldn't stop thinking about it.
As if the nose picking wasn’t enough, he began sniffing his wrists and asked if I could smell cologne. It was a bizarre situation that made me confused and more uncomfortable.
The Bill Dilemma
The bill arrived on a mini wooden clipboard and when it came time to settle it, he pushed it back and forth on the table saying “Uh oh, who’s going to pay for it then?”, making the situation awkward af. Not gonna lie, I expected him to offer to pay since he’d suggested the date, the exact words being “when are you free so I can take you out?”.
Knowing I was never going to see him again, I suggested splitting it. Then he commented on the fact that he’d already paid for the mini golf so I assumed he expected me to pay for the dinner. “Oh, you want me to pay for it? I’ll just pay for it, it’s not a problem”. (It was.)
But then he said no, he’d asked me out so he was happy to cover the golf and we’d split the dinner. It was all a bit confusing, unnecessarily awkward and it left me feeling uneasy. If I’d still been undecided about seeing him again at this point, this bill splitting issue would’ve made up my mind for me.
The Rushed Goodbye
After dinner, I couldn't wait to leave. I made excuses about needing to be up early and we headed to the station. We said our goodbyes at the station, and I hugged him quickly, worried I might find a surprise bogey on me if I lingered too long. Vom. I rushed onto the train and was greeted with a flood of messages from my friends, eager to hear about the date.
The Aftermath
Back at home, I received a message from him, thanking me for a "near-perfect evening." I felt like an awful person for not appreciating his kind gesture. However, I knew I needed to be honest about my feelings. I messaged him two days later, explaining that I didn't feel a connection and didn't want to mislead him. He took it gracefully (I think), and we both moved on.
The End
This date was certainly one for the books! While it didn't end in romance, it’s given us something to laugh about. It reminded me of the importance of setting and maintaining personal standards when it comes to dating. There’s nothing wrong with having a certain level of expectations around the people you’re dating. I want someone who puts in an equal amount of effort I do and there’s no shame in that. There are people out there who’ll think he was an amazing date but on this occasion, he wasn’t for me.
If you need help raising your relationship standards, check out The Confidence Course.
